i'm back

hello...
this is my blog na naiwan ko na... hindi ko na pinag-aksayahan ng panahon kasi nung mga panahon na un.. meron akong blog na kasing bagsik ng bagyo... tornado kumbaga... hehehe, pero ngayon wala na yun kasi binura ko na yung mga contents ng blog... na kasing bagsik din ng leon hehehe... bagsik kasi marami ang nasaktan.. :(

anyway... I see here na last july pa or august 2007 ang huli kong post. hehe, anu naman? wala namang nagbi-view ng blog ko. and besides anu bang interesting sa blog ko... wala, kundi mga walang kwentang kwento ko... hehehe... walang kwenta sa iba pero mahalaga sa akin.

hindi ako katulad ng iba na kayang i-express ang sarili nila verbally, everytime i have to say something very important, i'm running out of words.. like yung nangyari last august 2007. I am still studying pa noon, I worked on my blog, mga ilang weeks un.. those were the hardest days of my life. Doon ko binuhos lahat ng nasa utak ko. Lahat ng nasa isip ko na hindi ko kayang ilabas... 'yun nga lang, I made the biggest mistake in life.

You know, I was a working student when I was in college. That school adopted me, as a student and as a worker. I am doing my duty every 5 hours a day, and at the same time studying at 3-4 subjects. It was quite difficult kasi management ung kailangan sa buhay mo. And siyempre hindi mawawala "disiplina"... ewan ko kung nagkaroon ako ng ganun nung andun pa ako. Slight lang siguro...
We have an organization, lahat ng working andun... and meron din kami sariling president and secretary and so on and so fort. Madre ang may hawak sa amin. I really like this nun. We are not that close, I just admire her from afar. All of us, interns are longing to get close to her... hehehe, ewan... minsan nga lang hindi rin kami natututukan isa isa, kaya ayun, hanggang kwento na lang...

Nangyari kasi ung "biggest mistake" ko nung August last year and graduating ako. I was fourth year college and I will be graduating in October. Very complicated huh...? I was with my co-fourth year MG (as we call ouselves, working students), we talked about some issues in our organization. Nagtsitsismisan lang ng konti. Kasi di ba? Laging may prolema sa isang organization. Mga problema na alam ng lahat, napag-uusapan and minsan nakukumentuhan ng mga kasama, bad or good pa 'yan. Well, 'yun. Napag-usapan namin ung mga hindi naman kalakihang mga issues and we even talked about our own issues... And then I came up with an idea na why don't we list those talkings and comments? Ayun na! Doon nagsimula. Nai-encourage ako na gumawa ng isang blog, where we can say our comments and ideas regarding sa mga nangyayari sa buhay MG namin.

I made a blog, like this. And then nag umpisa akong magsulat ng mga articles. Naku! Minsan ayako na talaga balikan ung mga araw na 'yun. Siguro I made 6-7 articles about what I have in my mind. Then I realized, what I've done is not a good idea. At firs kasi, hindi ko napapansin 'yun and then afterwards, ung mga results after nilang basahin, parang ang labas ko is isa akong aktibista ng school. I am commenting on the organization, kinukuwestiyon ko ang pamamalakad ng organization and the worst, I even judged persons. Goodness, I don't know what have I done. Saka ko lang naisip na sobra 'yung paninira ko. I called paninira kasi may naka alam na faculty ng school about this blog and sabi niya a i-delete agad ang blog dahil hindi magandang output for the school. I feel so ashamed na gusto ko na mag-voluntary exit. And ang nakakakaba, they don't know who is the editor of this blog... worst is AKO ung editor. :(

Sa blog na naka-view nun... marami silang sinabi. Mga comments na tumitira sa iba pang nagcomment. I created a war. War between brothers and sisters. Lahat na kasi naka-view na ng blog na 'yun. Lahat me comment and 'yung iba sa blog niko-comment. Ang problema kasi, hindi papatalo 'yung isa sa comment nung isa. Puro comment pero puro sa sulat lang. Walang confrontation.

Goodness, minsan ayako na rin i-detail lahat ng nangyari kasi 'yun ung time na I even thought na sana mawala na lang ako. Malungkot kasi ang nag-iisa. That time, I was alone. No one was with me nung kainitan ng eskandalo. I wanted to disappear pero hindi naman puede 'yun. I have to clean the mess that I made. I talked to my coordinator (the nun that I am talking about earlier), I cried and cried. I don't know what to say because I am guilty. I said I'm sorry and I wished I never met those persons, kasi they're so wonderful and they did not deserve to be hurt... and not accepting the fact that I was the one who created pain. I promised my coordinator to fix the problem with all my might.

Then my judgement day came. I was so nervous and don't know what to say. I came to her again and asked for advice. She only said I should pray. I did and I faced my consequences. I talked to everybody and said I am sorry. I said I created this so I should be the one to end it. Siguro talgang matatapang ang mga Pilipino at ayaw papa awat sa mga gulo. Marami kami kasing reaksyon sa blog, sa pag-amin ko... but in the end, nakita ko kung sino-sino ang mga kaibigan ko. 'Yung iba I thought they were my friends but, in times that I needed support, they are not even there to defend me, I was disappointed but happy.

Hanggang ngayon, naiisip ko na at least bago man lang ako umalis sa school na 'yun I made a legend... I am Legend.. hehehe.. pero talga hindi ko naisip na magagawa ko 'yun. I was just a simple discussions but lumaki nang lumaki. Naisip ko din na siguro hindi lalala ang gulo kung hindi pinalaki ang gulo. Simple comments lang, angal na agad. The point is, reflect and sabihin na medyo totoo un ah! OK! hehehe... hindi naman lahat ng tao ganun nga pala... hehehe

But at least I learned my lesson.. mahirap ang pinagdaanan ko dahil lang sa mapusok kong pag-iisip, nagawa kong manakit ng iba. Hehehe...

Well, naikwento ko lang naman..

Ngayon, I am working in a call canter, very contradicting sa personality ko. hehehe... Okay lang. Trabaho eh.

I am glad I am back...

Na-miss ko din and pagsusulat...
:)